natalie kucken

diary 34 (may 15)

the horizons in oregon are rolling hills covered in pine trees way in the distance, white mountains, rows of houses tucked behind the buildings and construction cranes in the city, layers of bridges crossing the river. one morning i walked a mile through a sort of familiar neighborhood i felt so sad because of attachment i wanted to go back the whole time i was walking it was really stupid. i feel that sort of attachment all the time when i am alone. cut pills into fourths and lay rows of vitamins out. go shopping for food and don’t have to worry about money for the first time in my life, keep playing housewife but without noticing it anymore. i have circling thoughts about walking home alone late at night when i go back to my real life- very disconcerting that i think about those things with so much fear now. listen to people in their yards all get louder in the evenings as the days go by and the cut grass smells very sweet when it gets hot and sunny. 

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